I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
