he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
