He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
