There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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