I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Jerry, you need to find god
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
