Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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