found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
