Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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