The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
