omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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