hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
