I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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