Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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