i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
