barbara walters just said penis...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
