i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
