I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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