i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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