i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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