I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
