you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
