So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
50% drunk capacity currently
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
