He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
