What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
