I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
