Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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