Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
