I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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