his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think your dad took our porno
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
