Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
