Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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