she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
