So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
