Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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