Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
