I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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