I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
