If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
