I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
even my farts smell like vagina
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
