True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
