I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They took my balls.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
