I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
