Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
