My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
