I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
