airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
