4 words: hood of his car
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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