Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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