went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I believe in your delicious
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
