Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
