what day is it and did you see me today?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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