Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
