You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
