i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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