You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
