he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
