trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
