every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bring me that man meat
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
