We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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