just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
